Jokes *NWS*

Confucius say:
Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.

 

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

 

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,

"Well what should we do about this?"

Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

 

A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"

Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the f&%# do you think?"

 

Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.

Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.

 

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings

 

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

 

"Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back." - Al Bundy

 

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

 

i hadn't either thought it was prety good lol