Jokes *NWS*

Ok we need some entertainment here. (well at least i do anyway) everybody post some jokes.
Doesn't matter whether they are "little kid stupid" :albino: or "so wrong we are going to hell" 8O jokes.

Little kid stupid EX:
DETECTIVE: "I'm sorry,mam,but I have to bring you in for driving 90 miles an hour."
MAM: "But sir, that's impossible, I've only been driving for ten minutes at the most."
So wrong we are going to hell EX:
A little boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a dead frog. He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the most venerial diseases. The pimp is surprised but gives the boy his ho.

After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why he wanted the ho with all the venerial diseases. The boy answers:

When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat and I’ll fuck her.
When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the car.
Tonight, my parents will fuck.
Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman,

AND THAT THE SON Of A BITCH WHO RAN OVER MY FROG !!!!!

 

Re: Jokes

So wrong we are going to hell EX:
There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on a beach.
He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up toward him and asked, "What's that under your newspaper?"
Thinking quickly, the guy replied. "A bird."
The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep.
When he awoke, he was in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened.
The guy says, "I dont know. I was lying on the beach, and this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dosed off and the next thing I know im here"
The police went to the beach found the little girl and asked her "What did you do after that?"
After a pause the little girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So, I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

 

Re: Jokes

Little kid stupid
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Broccoli
Broccoli Who?
Broccoli doesn't have a last name, silly.

 

Re: Jokes

Different kinds of sex
The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime. Including the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you’ve got to do it in the bedroom.

The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"

There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the court.

 

A young boy walks up to his mom grabbing his nuts.
The boy stares at them puzzled for quite some time.
Finally his mom asks him,"Whats wrong hunny?"
The boy replies by saying,"Mom....are these my brains?
And his mom says,"Not yet dear."

 

A man walks into the bar and sees a sign:

Handjob: $5
Cheese sandwich: $2

He walks over to the bartender, a big boobied blonde, and asks.
"Are you the one giving out handjobs?"
"Yes I am!" she replied, smiling and sticking out her chest.
"Okay," he said.
"Now wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!"

 

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier

 

Once while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine.
We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.

 

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

 

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real.
It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

 

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

 

Whats the hardest part of a vegetable?

The Wheelchair.

 

Q: How do you torture Helen Keller?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet

 

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

 

A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn.
The cop asked, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?"
"If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"

 

these are pretty bad sorry

Q: How many etheopians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3 one to change the light and two to eat the packages.

Q: Whats the diffrence between a french women and as basketball team?
A: The basketball team showers after 4 periods.

Q: Qhat is the diffrence between a cahlic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until your 13 to come on your face.

Q: Why did hitler kill himself?
A: He got the gas bill.

 

Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.

After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her.

After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.

 

Q: Why did God create alcohol?
A: So ugly people have a chance to have sex

Q: If Moms have Mothers Day, and Fathers have Fathers Day. What do Single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.